How far would you go to avenge a devil neighbor? I learned the hard way, and the community still talks about it. He was unprepared when my nightmare neighbor transformed my backyard into a landfill.
If you had a neighbor, would you tear your hair out? Let me describe my. Jimmy here with a story that will make your last neighborly fight seem like a tea party.
It began with a fence. Easy brick wall fence. That fence in my area could have been the Great Wall of China.
My neighbor Dan and I? We fight constantly like cats and mice. Think Tom & Jerry. Except we loathe each other.
This fence raised the bar.
Dan’s voice came over when I was enjoying my yard job. “Hi, Jimmy! The big idea behind this monster?
He was leaning against his clean lawn, arms crossed. Dan, it’s privacy. Try it sometime.”
Eyes narrowed. “Privacy? Do you want to hide my award-winning roses?
I rolled my eyes. Dan, trust me. I care little about your roses.”
I heard him mutter, “We’ll see about that, Jimmy,” as I returned inside. We’ll see.”
Little did I know, those comments would shortly change my life.
Please allow me to describe my bliss before I discuss the mayhem that followed. Imagine a peaceful neighborhood with maple trees and cheerful folks waving.
Everything is a stone’s throw away. Perfect. Just almost.
This is a sore area. Dan is a pain. His house is next to mine, and he’s a prick.
Dan’s voice came to me while raking leaves one afternoon. “Hi, neighbor! You get free compost!”
He was cleaning leaves under my maple tree when I looked up. Again. “Dan, for the last time, I don’t want your damn leaves,” I yelled.
He had that arrogant smirk I hated. “Come on, Jimmy. Trying to help. Keep the neighborhood tidy.”
Grinding my teeth. “How about you start by keeping your mutts quiet?”
His face clouded. “Exclude my dogs. Guard dogs. Their job is to bark.”
“Guard dogs?” I scoffed. “More noise pollution. No barbecue without your hounds going crazy.”
Dan approached with a quiet voice. “Listen, Jimmy. My land is my business. You understand?”
Like him, I glared. “Dan, crystal clear. Transparent.”
He stormed off, so I knew this was far from done.
I couldn’t sleep that night. My mind kept hearing Dan’s comments. “What happens on my property is my business.” Two could play that game.
I was on the phone early the next morning. “Hi, Barn Beez Construction? I need a wall quote.”
Construction crews arrived a week later. Dan charged over with a tomato-red face while I was supervising. Maybe rotten!
“What the hell, Jimmy?” He shouted, gesturing at the half-built wall.
I smiled softly. “Oh, this?” A minor home improvement. What happens on my property is my business.”
Dan clinched his jaw. “This monstrosity will ruin my garden’s appearance!”
I shrugged. Dan, it sounds like your issue. Well within my property line.”
We heard loud barking then. Dan’s dogs bolted for the builders.
“Hey!” I yell. “Call off your mutts, Dan!”
He grinned. “What’s wrong, Jimmy? A small puppy scares you?
Little puppy? I scoffed. There are full-grown canines the size of me if they stood on two legs!
Dan refused to move. I called a number on my phone. Daniel, animal control is on fast dial. Your choice,” I said, hovering over the button.
Dan frowned. Dogs fled when he whistled forcefully. He spat, “You’ll regret this, Jimmy,” as he stormed home. Trust me.”
I watched him leave, feeling uneasy. What had I started?
Some days were quiet. Too quiet. I should have realized Dan was making something bad.
It was Saturday morning when I smelled something that made me queasy. Walking to the window half-asleep, I nearly fell over in horror.
My gorgeous backyard was a rubbish dump. Dirty diapers, foul food, etc. Like a landfill exploded.
What the—? I struggled to open the window. This smell hit me like a truck.
Then I saw him. Dan, smugly smiling on his porch.
Good morning, neighbor! He shouted, waving in joy. “Like your new landscaping?”
Too shocked to speak. Dan smiled wider. “Shoulda thought twice before building that wall, huh?”
Something snapped when he laughed and returned inside. This feud went beyond neighborliness. This was war.
With a rushing mind, I closed the window. “Alright, Dan,” I mumbled. “Want to play dirty? Join the nasty game.”
I paced for hours to calm down and think clearly. But every time I saw my damaged backyard, my blood burned again.
I finally grabbed my phone. “Tyler? My name is Jimmy. Remember your favor to me? Calling it in.”
An hour later, my friend Tyler arrived with an excavator in his vehicle. He widened his eyes at the mess. “Jeez, Jimmy. Happened here?
Grinding my teeth. Dan occurred. But we’ll remedy that.”
Tyler looked uncertain. “Man, I don’t know. This may turn ugly.”
I shoulder-clapped him. “It’s ugly already. Just evening the score.”
As we started the excavator, I felt guilty. Was I overstepping? However, another breath of the rubbish strengthened my determination.
I said, “Alright, Tyler,” checking my watch. At the gym, Dan. We have an hour. Make it count.”
I smiled as we picked up my backyard rubbish. Retribution, Dan. With curiosity! Hope you’re prepared.”
The next hour was hectic. We removed all my yard rubbish. The nearby dumpsters were cleaned too. Where did all this gorgeous trash go? Dan’s immaculate property.
His lawn became a smelly mosaic and his roof a junkyard beauty. To show our caring, we threw trash down his chimney. Every breeze carried “what’s that smell?” from the yard’s soiled diapers and rotting vegetables.
He had his dogs audition for a canine opera in their kennel, but I was too absorbed praising our work to applaud them. Revenge goes best with compost.
Tyler looked apprehensive as he packed ready to depart. Jimmy, are you sure? It may be crossing a line.”
Shaking my head. Dan crossed first. Just pushing back.”
Just then, an automobile pulled up. Dan returned early.
I said, “Showtime,” and went inside to watch from my window.
Dan’s response was truly priceless. He staggered out of his car, stunned by the spectacle.
“What the… JIMMY!” he shouted, turning to face my house. Get out here, son of a—
I stepped onto my porch serenely. “Problem, Dan?”
Rage turned his face purple. “You…” he muttered, snatching a garbage bag. “I’ll kill you!”
But then he froze, staring at something above me. I grinned. “Dan, like my new security cameras? They catch all. Pretty cool, huh?
Dan slouched. He knew he lost.
He left to clean, and I felt smug. “Guess the shoe’s on the other foot, Dan?” Calling out.
He didn’t respond, but his face screamed it. This continued. Not even close.
Sitting in my peaceful lawn, I wondered if it was worth it. The tall fence silently recalls our feud.
Dan’s dogs bark, but muffled. Our neighbourhood enjoys a tense peace.
When I see Dan tending his roses, we both look away. There is no friendship and perhaps never will be. Mutually guaranteed destruction breeds respect.
Since then, he’s never messed with me.
Sometimes you must combat venom with venom. Have you experienced irritating neighbors that did everything to ruin your life?
