When Michael gave her the order to go, it was a rainy afternoon in the height of fall.
The sky was covered with dismal gray clouds that hung low enough to touch, and they were plastered across the sky outside the window of their flat. For the entirety of the day, the rain had been pouring in icy, thin sheets, and it had accumulated in the cracks of the sidewalks below. Julia had been standing in the kitchen, wearing a sweater that she had knitted herself, with her hair pulled back in a relaxed manner and her hands pushed against her small but evident belly.
The statement was made by Michael without making eye contact with her.
“I can’t do this anymore,” he murmured, pretending that if he spoke more loudly, the words would become more tangible. “I’ve… made a new acquaintance.”
Julia experienced a tilting sensation beneath her feet. Instinctively, her hand reached out and felt her stomach.
Have you met anyone? The repetition was made with her voice becoming stuck in her throat.
He proceeded, his remarks being terse and efficient, as if he had practiced them beforehand. “She is different,” he said. In a way that you do not, she is able to comprehend me. His motion between them sent the message, “I’m sorry, Julia, but… this isn’t working.” I am in need of more.”
“More than your other spouse? More than your family?” She questioned, her voice shaking slightly.
However, he did not respond directly. In its place, he retrieved his coat from the chair, cast a quick glimpse at her enlarged stomach, and then turned his attention to the entrance.
That was the final day that Julia would ever see him; she would not see him again until six years later.
When Julia left the apartment, she did not shed a single tear. Later on, perhaps when she arrived at her sister’s modest house on the opposite side of town, she entertained the idea that she might do so. On the other hand, she experienced a peculiar serenity that came over her instead, as if her body was aware that she could not waste the energy on heartbreak when the only thing that lay ahead was survival.
When Maggie, her sister, learned about what Michael had done, she was filled with rage on account of it. She desired to give him a call, to yell at him, and to tell him exactly what type of a guy would abandon his pregnant wife for another woman without any explanation. She was stopped by Julia.
Simple as it may sound, Julia stated, “It won’t change anything.” “He has done what he chooses. Just give me a moment to make mine.”
Over the course of the subsequent weeks, Julia found herself working at the neighborhood library, which was a quite tiny establishment. Although it was not very spectacular, work was consistent, and the peace and quiet of the stacks served as a salve that she was unaware she required. Her resolve increased in tandem with the size of her growing tummy.
She was able to hone her skills in budgeting dollars. Cooking nutritious meals from scratch and mending clothes by hand were two of the skills that she acquired. In the quiet moments, when you woke up at three in the morning to comfort a newborn and yet got up at six in the morning to go to work, she realized that strength did not come in loud and defiant moments but rather in the quiet moments.
The doctor surprised her by informing her that she was going to be having twins two months before the date she was supposed to give birth.
The birth of the twins took place on a chilly morning in February. Julia named them Grace and Oliver.
In its purest form, life with them was a chaotic experience. During the early mornings, Julia frequently found herself pacing the floor at two in the morning with one baby on each shoulder. Her sleepless evenings continued into the early morning hours. Nevertheless, she did not protest. Every sleepy sigh, every single giggle, and every single small hand that was wrapped around her finger made it all worthwhile.
Julia was in a difficult financial situation, but she was able to find solutions to deal with it. In addition to working more shifts at the library, she also tutored children from the neighborhood in the evenings and became skilled in the art of discovering gems at thrift stores. Maggie was there to lend a hand whenever she could, but Julia made sure to never put too much stock in her assistance. She wanted to demonstrate, first and foremost to herself, that she was capable of standing on her own.
During the time when the twins were three years old, Julia began taking classes online in order to get her degree in education. In the hours after they went to bed, she continued her studies, sometimes staying up until the wee hours of the morning, fueled by coffee that was lukewarm and determination.
Julia had already transitioned into her new role as an elementary school teacher by the time Grace and Oliver became five years old. She was not wealthy as a result of it, but it did provide her with stability, and more importantly, it allowed her to spend more time with her children.
It was never mentioned to them that she had Michael. Julia didn’t fill their minds with resentment, despite the fact that they were aware that they did not have a father figure in their lives. She imparted upon them the values of benevolence, honesty, and perseverance. She desired for them to mature without having to bear the burden of the mistakes made by another person.
In Julia’s experience, success was not about having a large house or going on expensive vacations. It was about witnessing Oliver proudly show Grace the painting he had drawn and watching Grace read her first chapter book which she had read on her own. The laughing that filled their modest home, the warm dinners that were spent together at the kitchen table, and the sloppy pancake breakfasts that were served on Saturday mornings were all things that were important to them.
Nevertheless, life had a way of taking her by surprise.
One spring afternoon, Julia was invited to speak at a community event regarding reading programs for children. The audience responded positively to her presentation, and shortly thereafter, she was approached by the director of a charitable organization whose mission was to broaden access to educational opportunities in communities that were economically disadvantaged. The post of program coordinator, which paid more than teaching and provided her with the opportunity to have a greater influence, was one of the opportunities that they presented to her.
It was a risk, but she decided to take it.
With the new employment comes the opportunity to travel, participate in speaking engagements, and work with individuals who are passionate about their work. Her efforts were acknowledged on a national level, and within a couple of years, she became the public face of the organization’s outreach initiatives.
Hearing about the locations she went and the people she met was something that the twins, who are now doing well in school, greatly enjoyed. Although it was still a humble dwelling, it was brimming with affection and warmth, and it gave them the feeling that they were right where they should have been all along.
On a day that was crisp and autumnal, almost precisely six years to the day that Michael had left, it took place.
When Julia saw him, she was in the middle of studying her notes for an upcoming conference at a café in the downtown area. At the counter, he was standing and placing an order for a drink. He was dressed in a suit that appeared to be costly but was somewhat wrinkled. The gray streaks in his hair had become more noticeable, and she saw that his eyes had a look of exhaustion that she had not seen before.
He saw her before she had the chance to determine whether or not to turn her head away.
“Julia,” he began, his voice bearing the same recognizable accent that he had used before. She felt as though she had been transported back in time to their apartment, to the day that he had informed her that he had found someone else. She didn’t even flinch, though.
An even-keeled “Michael” was her response.
After a moment of hesitation, he demanded to be seated. Her curiosity, maybe, prompted her to give a slight nod, despite the fact that she had pondered declining the offer.
Initially, they engaged in idle chatter. They had been together for two years when he informed her that his relationship with “the other woman” had come to an end. He’d moved between jobs, finally losing the well-paying one he’d held when they were dating. The deaths of his parents had occurred. He described his situation as “trying to get back on his feet,” as he put it.
The tone of his voice was almost embarrassed as he remarked, “I heard you’ve been doing… really well.”
Julia’s response was, “I’ve been truly fortunate.” Together with the twins, I am content.
When he heard the term “twins,” he lost his composure.
“Twins?” he repeated again.
Immediately, Julia’s gaze fixed on his. It is true. It was Grace and Oliver. They are currently six years old.”
It seemed as though the math was now starting to make sense to him as he peered at her with his mouth slightly open.
It sounded more like a statement than a question when he asked, “Are they mine?” when he asked the question.
Simply put, “Yes,” she responded. “You left before I even realized that I was going to enjoy two.”
His face became blue. “I… I was completely unaware.”
“You didn’t ask,” she responded, maintaining a calm but forceful tone in her voice.
Mike made a request to meet with them. She assured him that she would give it some thought.
It took him several weeks to contact and send messages, during which he expressed his desire to be a part of their lives. Julia did not categorically reject him because she supported the idea that individuals may undergo transformations; nonetheless, she was not willing to give her children to a guy who had previously rejected them without giving them a second consideration.
In the end, she consented to scheduling a meeting at a park.
Despite their politeness, Grace and Oliver remained cautious. Julia had conveyed the reality to them in the most straightforward manner possible: “This is your father.” Despite the fact that he was not yet prepared to become a parent when you were born, he is eager to see you now.
They began by asking him questions, which were relatively minor. What was his preferred shade of color? Has he ever played soccer? Did he have any animals as pets? While Michael responded to each and every one of them, Julia was able to observe the expression of shame that appeared on his face whenever they laughed or smiled.
During the subsequent few months, Michael made an effort. During their school play, he was present. They were taken out to eat ice cream by him. His presence was seen at Oliver’s soccer game. However, the connection seemed… hesitant. Easily broken.
Over the course of one evening, after he had returned the twins to Julia’s residence, he waited at the door.
“I am sorry, I have made a mistake,” he whispered. The decision to leave you is the worst thing I’ve ever made in my life. I was under the impression that I desired more, but all I did was cast aside all that was significant.
His gaze was welcomed by Julia. “Michael, you wanted more than what we had available to us. Now you are aware of the high cost of’more’.
As he spoke, he stated, “I want to make it right.”
As a response, she stated, “You can’t undo the past.” “At this point, the only thing you can do is choose the kind of man you want to be.”
As the months progressed into a year, Michael’s presence in their lives continued to be inconsistent. On occasion, he would participate in the twins’ activities, but on other occasions, he would not. Despite the fact that she did not protect them from the reality, Julia did not portray him in a negative light. They were allowed to create their own opinions by her.
In reality, Michael had lost a great deal more than he was aware of on the day that he left the building. First steps, first words, birthdays, Christmas mornings, bedtime stories, and the countless other insignificant moments that comprised a childhood were all things that he had missed out on.
Julia, on the other hand, had constructed a life not only without him but also in spite of him all along. She had discovered a strength that she had been unaware she possessed. She had brought up two wonderful children who were kind, brilliant, and safe in the knowledge that they were loved passionately.
In the evening, once Julia had finished tucking Grace and Oliver into bed, she sat by the window and gazed out at the peaceful landscape outside. The hardships, the successes, the periods of doubt, and the tremendous love that she had experienced over the past six years were all things that she reflected on as she thought about her life.
The woman did not despise Michael. Not any longer. Possibly pity for what he had lost, but nonetheless. Hatred, on the other hand, had no place in the life that she lived.
Julia and the twins went to an award ceremony a year after Michael returned. The function was held in honor of Julia, who was being recognized for her education-related work. Her heart was bursting with pride as she stood on stage and looked out at the crowd that was cheering their performance.
Oliver and Grace were sitting in the front row, and they were beaming at her. In addition, Michael was present, and he was seated a few rows back. He appeared to be experiencing a range of emotions, including pride, regret, and something that appeared to be a lot like grief.
It was at that precise time that Julia came to the realization that she did not require anything from him, not even his presence, not even his apologies, not even his approval. There was nothing that she lacked in it.
Afterwards, as they were leaving the event, Grace reached out and put her little hand into Julia’s.
She spoke softly to her mother and said, “Mom, you are the most powerful person I know.”
Julia wore a grin. “Might be. The fact of the matter is, however, that I am powerful because of you and your brother.
Furthermore, for the very first time in a very long time, Julia experienced the kind of calm that did not result from forgetting the past but rather from the realization that the past no longer held any influence over her.
Michael stayed on the fringe of their life over the years that followed, occasionally being present but more often than not being absent. The twins developed into teens who had their own goals and aspirations. Julia continued her efforts to the point that her impact extended well beyond the confines of the little apartment where it all started.
It was Michael’s responsibility to bear the load of his remorse, which never left him. Julia’s life, which was full and lively, was evidence that the best kind of retribution was not wrath; rather, it was happiness, which was built up in a quiet and consistent manner, one day at a time.
