For 12 years, I thought Leo, Dan’s best friend, was merely a person from his past who lived far away. Dan didn’t talk about him much, and when I asked, he would just tell that they had grown apart. That night, everything changed during a normal girls’ night. I spotted a recent picture of Dan and Leo together on Instagram. They were laughing in a hot tub on a weekend when Dan was supposed to be “fishing with his cousin.” I felt terrible when I learned this wasn’t just an old friendship.
I looked deeper and found a lot of pictures of Leo and the other person on social media over the years—trips, parties, and nights out—that I had never heard of. The times fit up with Dan’s “late work nights” and “weekend plans.” When I asked my pals about it, they said they had known for years. Dan and Leo had been together since college, even before we were engaged. Leo was not a ghost from Dan’s past. He has always been a part of Dan’s life; I just didn’t know it.
That night, I talked to Dan. He first denied everything, but then he finally spoke the truth. He said he had always known he was gay, but he kept it a secret to protect his reputation with his conservative family. He said that getting married was his way of keeping up appearances. He told me he cared about me “as a friend,” but Leo was the person he really loved. It was heartbreaking to find out that the life we built together was based on a falsehood.
A short time after, I filed for divorce. Dan left without saying anything, and I focused on making a new life for myself and our two kids. A month later, Dan’s parents contacted me crying. They had found out the truth and were upset not because of who he was, but because of all the lies he had told them. They chose to be honest and give his inheritance to our kids instead of pretending to be someone else. Leo dissolved their relationship not long after that, leaving Dan to deal with the results of his decisions. In the meantime, I found peace in finally living a life based on truth.
