Recently, there’s been a disagreement between me and my brother about who should pay for his wedding, which has caused some tension.
Here’s what happened:
I’m a 32-year-old woman, and I’ve worked really hard for everything I have. Growing up, my parents treated my younger brother, Jake (29), like he was special, while I had to be the responsible one.
While I worked part-time jobs to save for college and pay for my own things, Jake got everything handed to him. My parents paid for his hobbies, his car, and even helped him with rent into his 20s.
As for me, I had to figure things out on my own.
I try not to hold a grudge because my hard work paid off. Now I have a good job, a house, and savings, and I feel secure.
Meanwhile, Jake is just now starting to get his life together. He’s always been laid back when it comes to working hard, since he’s used to our parents helping him out whenever he needed it.
Now Jake is getting married, and of course, he wants a big wedding. I’m talking about a destination wedding, expensive venues, designer dresses, and everything. It’s obvious that our parents can’t afford all this anymore, especially after all the money they’ve spent on him.
But instead of being realistic, they’re still trying to make it happen by asking me to pay. A few weeks ago, they sat me down and said, ‘You’re doing so well, and Jake deserves this.’ Basically, they want me to pay for most of his dream wedding because ‘I can afford it.’
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I told them straight up that I wasn’t going to pay for Jake’s wedding. If Jake wants a big wedding, he should figure out how to pay for it, not rely on me like he’s always relied on them.
My parents didn’t take it well. They tried to make me feel guilty, saying that ‘family helps family’ and Jake’s wedding should be special. Jake’s fiancée has high expectations now, and they say it wouldn’t be fair to her to have a smaller wedding.
The pressure is intense. Jake hasn’t said much directly, but he’s been making passive-aggressive comments about how ‘some people in the family’ could make this wedding happen but are choosing not to.
It’s frustrating because, while I could help financially, why should I? I worked hard for what I have, I saved and budgeted, and made sacrifices. Jake has never done that, and now I’m supposed to pay for his huge wedding. I didn’t even have a big wedding myself!
Now I’m being made to look selfish for not helping. My parents are practically begging, and even some of my friends say, ‘If you can afford it, why not help them out?’ But I can’t shake the feeling that this isn’t my responsibility. Jake and his fiancée should plan a wedding they can afford, not expect me to be their backup plan.
People stood on her side.
“No one is obligated to pay for their family just because. No exceptions.
“This marriage won’t last. Any money fiancé has no clue of his irresponsibility and/or she’s just as bad. They can’t afford this wedding. Ergo, they need to budget within their means.
Otherwise, they’d failed a basic test of marriage and partnership. It’s a wedding, not life-saving surgery.”
“It isn’t your wedding, he’s a big boy if he wants to get married and play house, let him pay the bills.
