When my 5-year-old daughter refused to cut her hair, I didn’t think much of it until she claimed she wanted long hair for her “real daddy.” Words made my heart skip a beat. Who was she discussing? Was there someone I didn’t know in my wife’s life?
Edward here, talking about my daughter Lily.
Lily brightens our life. At five, she’s full of energy and curiosity, asking a million questions and making the funniest remarks.
Sharp and lovely, her laugh can brighten even the darkest days. My wife Sara and I am really proud of her.
Last week, our pleasant little world was upended.
It started when Lily refused to get her hair cut a few months ago.
Her normally groomed and combed hair become impenetrable.
She gripped her hair like her most valuable property while sitting cross-legged on the lavatory floor.
“No, Daddy,” she said. “I want long hair.”
Sara and I first believed it was a phase. Kids are odd, right?
Sara’s mom, Carol, constantly called Sara’s pixie cut “too short for a proper lady,” therefore we thought Lily wanted to express her style.
Yes, I told her. “No need to cut your hair.”
The gum incident followed.
It was a typical parenting moment you hear about but hope never happens to you.
Lily fell asleep on the sofa with gum in her mouth during a movie night. It was too late when Sara and I discovered her.
Her hair was completely matted with gum.
Peanut butter, ice, and that bizarre vinegar method from internet were attempted.
Nothing worked.
We realized cutting her hair was the only alternative.
Sara knelt alongside Lily holding the comb.
“Sweetheart, we’re going to have to cut a little bit of your hair,” she said Lily. “Just the gum part.”
We were shocked by what transpired next.
Lily panicked and sprang upright, gripping her hair like a lifeline.
“No!” she wailed. You can’t cut it! I want my true dad to recognize me when he returns!”
Sara stared at her, and my heart dropped.
Lily, what did you say? Getting down to her level, I inquired softly.
She gazed at me with wide, sorrowful eyes like she’d spilled a great secret.
“I want my real daddy to know it’s me,” she whispered.
Sara and I looked shocked.
Trying to calm down, I breathed deeply.
“Lily, sweetheart, I am your daddy,” I murmured gently. “What makes you think I’m not?”
Little mouth quivered, she muttered, “Grandma said so.”
What? Carol said that to her—why? Which guy was Lily referring to?
“What did Grandma say, honey?” Sara inquired softly.
“She said I have to keep my hair long so my real daddy will know it’s me when he comes back,” Lily whispered, holding her hair closer. “She said he’ll be mad if he doesn’t recognize me.”
This is unbelievable.
“Sweetheart,” I said. How do you define ‘real daddy’?
Lily sniffled, staring at her small hands. “Grandma said you’re not my dad. She stated my true dad left but would return. If I appear different, he won’t recognize me.”
Sara replied, “Lily, listen to me,” softly grasping Lily’s hands. “You did nothing wrong. Not in danger. But please tell me what Grandma said. Can you assist me?
Lily paused, then nodded. She claimed it’s secret. That Daddy would get upset if I told you or him. But I didn’t want him furious at me. No one should be furious with me.”
I swallowed the knot in my throat as my chest clenched.
“Lily,” I said, “you are so loved. By me, Mommy, and everyone who knows you. No one’s furious with you, okay? Grandma shouldn’t have told you that.”
Sara cried as she held Lily. Lily, you’re our daughter. Your true father is here. He always was.”
Lily nodded slowly, wiping her sleeve. But the harm was done. We trusted Carol, so how could she say anything confusing to our child?
Lily fell asleep, so Sara and I sat in the living room.
“What the hell was she thinking?” Sara whispered, furious.
“I don’t know,” I responded, attempting to contain my anger. But she crossed a boundary. We must speak to Sara. Tomorrow.”
Sara contacted her mom to come over the following morning. Carol came confidently, but Sara wasn’t up for small conversation.
Sara became furious when Carol entered.
“What the heck is wrong, Mom?” she snapped. Why would you tell Lily Edward isn’t her dad? Do you realize what you did?
Carol blinked, surprised by the animosity.
She raised her hand to say, “Now, hold on.” “You’re exaggerating. A little tale. Nothing to fuss over.”
“A story?” I spoke out. She’s been afraid to cut her hair for months because of this “story.”
Carol shrugged her eyes at our theatrics.
“Come on. I only wanted her long hair, she said. “She’s a girl, dammit! Sara, she shouldn’t have your dreadful short cut.”
Sara opened her mouth.
So you lied to her? To keep her hair long, you made her believe her dad wasn’t? Mom, do you hear yourself?
“She won’t remember it later. She remembered appearing silly in pictures with a boyish haircut.”
“This isn’t about hair, Carol,” I said. You hurt our family. You made Lily doubt my fatherhood. This isn’t normal, okay?
Carol pouted before saying something that broke our remaining equanimity. “With Sara’s wild past, who’s to say you’re her dad?”
What the heck? My thoughts. What more will she say to defend her error?
Sara lost her temper.
“Get out,” she replied, pointing to the door. Get out of my home. We no longer welcome you.”
Carol stammered that she “didn’t mean it that way,” but I didn’t listen.
I opened the door and motioned strongly. “Now, Carol. Leave.”
She stared at us and muttered as she left, but I didn’t care.
I stared at Sara after closing the door behind Carol.
She then hid her face in her hands on the sofa.
I sat alongside her, arm across her shoulders.
“We’ll get through this,” I said, although my wrath was still searing.
Sara nodded, but her expression showed anguish. “I can’t believe my mother would do this.”
We explained everything to Lily carefully throughout the remainder of the evening.
I grasped her little hands and looked her in the eyes. Lily, I’m your dad. I always was and will be. Nothing Grandma said is true, okay?
Lily nods. You’re my true dad?
Yes, dear, I grinned. “Always.”
“Grandma was wrong to tell you that,” Sara said. She shouldn’t have said anything, and you’re not responsible. Lily, we adore you. Always remember that.”
Lily relaxed a little, but she looked nervous as Sara removed the gum from her hair with scissors.
Gum was still there.
“Do I must?” Lily inquired, holding the knotted string.
“It’s just a tiny bit, honey,” Sara said. “And it’ll grow back so fast you won’t notice. It will also make you feel better without gum everywhere.”
A moment later, Lily nodded. OK, but just a little.”
Sara cut the gum-covered strands, and Lily smiled slightly.
“Daddy?” she questioned.
“Yes, sweetheart?”
“Can I make it pink when it grows back?”
Sara and I laughed.
“If that’s what you want,” I ruffled her hair.
Things gradually normalized over the following several days. Lily was pleased and calm and begged Sara to braid her hair again. It had been months since she did it.
We’ve stopped talking to Carol.
Sara and I decided that she no longer belongs with Lily until she accepts responsibility.
It wasn’t easy, but Lily’s safety comes first. We will do everything to please our daughter.
