One sunny afternoon, an elderly woman named Violante was cruising peacefully down the highway when she noticed flashing red and blue lights in her rearview mirror. Without a fuss, she pulled over to the side of the road. A young, nervous-looking officer approached her window. Officer: “Ma’am, do you know why I pulled you over?” Violante: “Is something wrong, Officer?” Officer: “Yes, ma’am. You were speeding.” Violante: “Oh, I see.” Officer: “May I see your driver’s license?” Violante: “I would, but I don’t have one.” Officer: “…You don’t?” Violante: “Nope. Lost it about four years ago—for drunk driving.” The officer…
Author: World Wide
A blonde keeps having the same weird dream, so she goes to her doctor. Doctor, “What is your dream about?” Blonde, “I am being chased by a vampire…” Doctor, “So, where are you in this dream?” Blonde, “I am running in a hallway.” Doctor, “Then what happens?” Blonde, “Well, that’s the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I always come to a door, but I can’t open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it won’t budge!” Doctor, “Does the door have any letters on it?” Blonde, “Yes.” Doctor, “And what do…
A sixth-grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell ‘before.’ He stands up and says, “Before, B-E-P-H-O-R.” The teacher says, “No, that’s wrong. Can anyone else spell before?” Another little boy stands up and says, “Before, B-E-F-O-O-R.” Again the teacher says, “No, that’s wrong.” The teacher asks, “Little Johnny, can you spell ‘before’?” Little Johnny stands up and says, “Before, B-E-F-O-R-E.” “Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?” … .. . Little Johnny says, “That’s easy. Two plus two be fore.” =============================== A blonde enters a restaurant and stare at…
Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement – not even her parent’s nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her father’s new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. “Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I’m wearing it,” she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ”Never mind sweetheart. I’ll get another…
It was this little girl’s first day at a new school, and the teacher asked her what her name was. She replied, “Happy Butt.” The teacher said, “Honey I don’t think that’s your name. You need to go to the principal’s office and get this straightened out.” So she went to the principal’s office and he asked, “What’s your name?” And the little girl said, “Happy Butt.” The principal called the girl’s mother to get this straightened out once and for all. After getting off the phone, he looked at the little girl and said, “Honey, your name is Gladys,…
A wealthy old man was lying on his d.eathbed when it occurred to him that he had never made a will. So, he called his lawyer to help him draft one. The next day, the lawyer arrived, and the old man said, “I want 25% of my money to go to charity. After all, I’ve taken so much; I should give something back.” “How generous of you,” the lawyer replied. “I’ll make sure that happens right away.” “I also want 25% to go to my son. He’s been waiting for the day he could get his hands on my money,”…
One evening, a husband thought he’d be cheeky and teased his wife, saying, “Maybe we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast—might help shave a few inches off your backside!” His wife, unimpressed and far from amused, decided she wasn’t going to let that comment slide without a little payback. The next morning, as the husband reached into his drawer and pulled out a pair of underwear, a puff of powdery dust filled the air. Confused, he shook them out and muttered, “What the heck is this?” Baffled, he stormed into the bathroom, holding the underwear. “April! Why did…
A plane was cruising smoothly toward Vancouver when a woman named Lily, seated in economy class, decided she deserved an upgrade. Without hesitation, she marched up to first class, plopped herself into an empty seat, and made herself at home. A flight attendant quickly spotted her and approached with a polite but firm smile. FLIGHT ATTENDANT: “Excuse me, miss. May I see your boarding pass?” LILY: (waving a hand dramatically) “I’m Lily. I’m fabulous. I’m headed to Vancouver—and I’m staying right here.” Trying not to show her frustration, the flight attendant gently explained, FLIGHT ATTENDANT: “Miss, you purchased an economy…
The adored American actor John Goodman has enthralled audiences with his extraordinary talent for decades. He is best recognized for his famous appearances in Monsters, Inc., The Big Lebowski, and Roseanne. Fans have recently been talking about his incredible physical makeover, but his tale is about more than just losing weight; it’s about conquering personal obstacles and starting again. In the popular comedy Roseanne, Goodman originally gained notoriety as Dan Conner, a character he played again in the 2018 revival. His filmography is as outstanding, featuring notable roles in iconic films such as 10 Cloverfield Lane, O Brother, Where Art…
