I was furious when I read my mom’s response.
I read the phone message at least ten times. Was she serious? She spent her life providing me with “everything I needed”? Why was I struggling now? To be honest, I felt abandoned, betrayed, and hurt.
I started typing a passionate answer then stopped. So I decided to chat to her in person. Maybe she didn’t realize how hard things were for me.
I phoned her.
I said, “Mom, I don’t think you get it,” when she answered. “I’m drowning here, and you’re living like a queen.”
Other end, she sighed. I got it, honey. Please understand—this is my time. I’m not mean, but I worried about you, work, and bills for decades. I gave up my dreams to give you possibilities I never had.”
I scoffed. “But what good were those opportunities if I’m still struggling?”
She spoke softly after a pause. Say something, dear. Just what do you need?
I hesitated. “I don’t know. Help with credit card debt, rent, and maybe car payments. A little cushion.”
Mum sighed again. I’ll be upfront. I love you more than anything, but money won’t repair this. Find out how you got here.”
That hurt. Are you saying this is my fault?
“No, this is your responsibility.”
I delayed responding. My fingers tightened around the phone to suppress my anger.
She continued. You’re no longer young. You have a good job?
“Yeah, but it barely covers everything.”
What about budgeting? Have you examined your spending?
I remained mute. Because, really? I hadn’t. I knew I was overspending but didn’t want to admit it. I lived paycheck to paycheck, swiping my card anytime I needed something and hoping things would balance out.
Mom softly said, “Listen, I didn’t raise you to be helpless. I know it’s hard, but you can figure it out. I will always back you if you need more than a bailout. In ways that benefit you long-term.”
“Like what?” Skeptical, I asked.
“First, I can sit down and review your finances. Perhaps assist you budget and cut costs. I can recommend a financial advisor.”
Humorless laughter. “No free money?”
No, sweetheart. Because if I gave you money, you’d be back here in a few months.”
I wanted to argue. I wanted to resent her. Deep down, I knew she was right. I trusted that she would intervene if things became nasty. Financial independence was never my forte.
Maybe it was time.
Mom added, “Suffering doesn’t make you a failure. Everyone does eventually. You can allow this moment define you as a victim or alter your situation.”
I sighed. “So, you won’t pay my debt?”
Her laughter was sweet. “No, honey. But I’ll teach you how to avoid returning.”
I contemplated that. Perhaps I was misinterpreting this. My mom may not have been selfish. She may have been teaching me the lesson I needed all along.
“Okay,” I concluded. Let’s discuss my budget.”
—
Events changed during the next few months. Not overnight, but gradually. I created a budget with my mom, tracked my spending, and cut back on unnecessary purchases. I started a side gig to make money.
You know what? It works. I reduced my debt. More importantly, I felt in control for the first time at long last.
Also, I saw my mom differently. She was trusting me to take care of myself, not “abandoning” me. I was proud when she emailed me photos from her latest trip to Greece, not angry.
She deserved joy. As did I.
My biggest lesson? No one has to fix your life. Actually, that’s good. Because taking charge and solving problems yourself is more rewarding.
Take a deep breath if you feel alone. You have company. You can do more than you imagine.
Share this story if it touched you. Remember—life isn’t about waiting for rescue. Learn to save yourself. ❤️
