One evening, my husband, Mason, presented me with a schedule that had been meticulously drawn up and informed me that it was intended to assist me in “becoming a better wife.” It wasn’t that Mason had ever been controlling in the past that left me speechless; rather, it was the outrageously precise and condescending nature of the plan that surprised me.
I made the decision to play along with Mason rather than explode or argue with him. Mason had no idea that I was going to give him a lesson that he would never forget by the time I finished.
For the last eight years, Mason and I have been married every day. Our home is somewhat hectic, since we have two small children, and much like the majority of couples who are balancing work and family life, we sometimes struggle to strike a balance between the two.
For as long as I can remember, I had always thought of myself as the sensible one in our marriage, the voice of calm when things were hectic. Mason, on the other hand, had a tendency to get quickly carried away by novel concepts or interests, and he often dove deeply into everything without giving it much consideration.
Up until the time he met Derek, that inclination was not often an issue for him.
The new person that Mason worked with was a man named Derek. He was the sort of person that was loud, boisterous, and had a self-confidence that bordered on arrogance. Despite the fact that he was never in a relationship, he managed to persuade himself that he was an authority in romantic partnerships. Not only did Derek like giving unasked-for advice to Mason, but he also enjoyed giving it to anybody else who would listen.
It would have been better for me to see the warning signals earlier; however, Mason appeared to be so captivated by Derek’s magnetism that I first ignored the tiny changes. After that, the remarks that I had been hearing began to get to me.
In the evening, Mason made a statement that seemed to be a quote from the Bible. He stated, “Derek says that the best marriages work when the wife takes charge of the household.”
Alternately, “Derek was telling me that it is extremely important for a woman to always look good for her husband, regardless of how long they have been married.”
Despite the fact that I rolled my eyes and responded with snarky comments, I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of annoyance in the depths of my being. Mason was undergoing a transformation. When I bought takeout instead of cooking, he would raise an eyebrow at me, and he would let out a loud sigh if the laundry piled up since, you know, I had a full-time job outside the home.
After that, he arrived at my house one evening with a piece of paper that he called a timetable, and he required that I adhere to it.
I was seated at the table in our kitchen by Mason, who then unfolded the paper with a flourish and handed it toward me.
He spoke with an extremely serious tone that was on the verge of becoming condescending. “I’ve been thinking,” he continued. What a wonderful wife you are, Sarah. On the other hand, I believe there is potential for improvement.
My brows immediately flew up. You mean, really?
He responded with a nod, as if he were anticipating applause. I agree. Derek opened my eyes to the fact that our marriage has the potential to be much more successful if you… you know, took a few more steps.
I found myself staring at the paper that was in front of me. The phrase “Sarah’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife” was written in large, bold characters at the very top of the page.
In a literal sense, he had taken Derek’s unasked-for advice and planned out my whole week, including when I should get up, what chores I should do, how much time I should spend at the gym, and how elegant my cooking should be.
In accordance with Mason’s “plan,” I was meant to get up at five o’clock in the morning each day in order to prepare a gourmet breakfast for him. The next step was for me to “stay in shape” by going to the gym for an hour. Immediately after that, I had a list of things that needed to be done that was a mile long: I had to clean the whole home, do laundry, and iron clothing before I went to my full-time work. After that, it was required of me to return home and make supper from scratch, as well as to prepare snacks for Mason and his friends when they came over.
In all honesty, it was an s.3.xist, a result, and an absurd thing to do. As I sat there with my mouth slightly wide, I pondered if Mason had come to an insane conclusion.
After saying, “This will be great for you,” he absolutely failed to see the irony that was there in the atmosphere. I’m referring to Derek when I say that Steve believes it’s essential to keep things organized. It would be quite helpful for you to get some direction.
“As a result of what else?” My voice was calm yet authoritative when I interrupted.
He seemed to be taken aback by my tone, as seen by his blinking, but he immediately recovered. When you have a timetable. It is a plan. You are aware?
The idea of hurling the paper at his head and letting him know precisely what I felt of the whole situation was quite appealing to me. I, on the other hand, grinned warmly.
At the same time that my voice was dripping with phony excitement, I responded, “You’re right, Mason.” “Because you created this for me, I am extremely grateful. Tomorrow, I will get started.”
His expression changed to one of relief. I was on the verge of feeling terrible for him, but never quite. He was completely unaware of what was about to happen.
When Mason departed for work the next morning, I took out my laptop and reviewed the crazy schedule once again. I did this immediately after Mason left. Mason would be in for a rude awakening if he believed that I would just agree to accept this litany of arrogant statements.
Mason’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever was the title I gave to a blank document that I went ahead and opened.
Was he looking for the ideal wife? That’s fine. I intended to subject him to the same absurd standards that I had set for myself.
My first order of business was to make a list of everything that Mason had recommended for me, including the gym membership, the personal trainer, organic food, and literally everything else. By itself, the expense of hiring a personal trainer was comical; it was no less than $1,200 per month. I wrote it out with a smile spread over my face.
After that, I calculated the amount of money we would need to spend on groceries if we bought everything organic and free-range, just as he had anticipated. A monthly payment of $700 was agreed upon, and I sent a message stating that I would also want culinary lessons for Mason. This was due to the fact that if Mason wanted me to provide gourmet meals, then perhaps he should also learn how to cook.
But I did not end my story there. There was no way that I could hold my full-time work while adhering to this absurd schedule without doing so. In light of this, I calculated the worth of my annual pay, which is $75,000, and I made a notation that Mason would be responsible for covering that amount if I were to leave my job and devote myself to becoming his “perfect” wife full-time.
I was on the verge of bursting out laughing when I reached the last item, which was a budget of fifty thousand dollars to construct a separate man cave for Mason and his pals, so that they would not interfere with my “new and improved” working schedule.
At the time that I had completed the list, it had become a masterpiece; it was a nightmare in terms of finances and logistics, but it was a masterpiece nevertheless. It wasn’t simply a reply, mind you. A wake-up call was what it was.
While I was getting ready to go for work, I printed the paperwork and placed it in an orderly fashion on the kitchen counter.
When Mason arrived home that evening, he was in a very upbeat disposition.
He shouted out, “Hey, babe,” as he accidentally dropped his keys on the counter. Subsequently, he detected the article. This is what it is.
The expression on my face remained unchanged, and I fought back the want to giggle as he took it up and began reading.
“Oh, it’s just a little list I put together for you with the intention of assisting you in becoming the best husband ever,” I added in a nice tone.
Mason laughed, believing that I was participating in his joke that he was telling. However, as he continued to read, the smile began to fade. As soon as he saw the statistics and realized how ridiculous everything was, his eyes expanded dramatically.
“Wait… what would all of this be?” At the page, he strained his eyes. The price of a personal trainer is $1,200? For food, a monthly cost of $700? Sarah, what the heck is going on?
Arms crossed, I leaned on the kitchen island and leaned into it.
Let me get this straight: you want me to get up at five in the morning, go to the gym, prepare gourmet meals, clean the home, and welcome your guests. I felt that we need to make a budget for all of it. You don’t agree, do you?
As he turned the pages of the book, his face became more pale.
Whoa, $75,000 per year? You’re going to leave your work for good?
I gave a shrug. “What other means do you have for me to adhere to your plan? I can’t be a perfect wife and yet have a job, is that correct?
In startled stillness, he glanced at the page in front of him. A dawning knowledge had taken the place of the smugness that had been there.
“I… I didn’t mean to…” Mason stuttered, his eyes widening in a remorseful expression as he looked at me. It wasn’t my intention for things to turn out this way, Sarah. I was just thinking—”
Is that what you thought? To be a project that has to be “improved”? My tone was soothing, yet it was filled with pain. It’s not about checklists or rituals when it comes to marriage, Mason. Respect is the issue here. In addition, if you ever make another attempt to “fix” me in this manner, you will be required to pay a great deal more than what is written on that page.
A hush fell over the room. As Mason exhaled deeply, his shoulders dropped and he drew in little breaths.
It was a hushed “I’m sorry,” he said. “I had no idea that this was such a ludicrous situation. Although Derek made it seem like a good idea, I can now see that it is… poisonous. I have committed such a blunder.”
I nodded while keeping a careful eye on him.
Have you taken a peek at Derek’s life so far? In what ways do you believe that he is competent to provide counsel on marriage? Or, in all honesty, anything of significance?”
The look on his face was wonderful; it was a mixture of shame and acknowledgment.
He spoke softly and replied, “You are correct.” Indeed, he would never be able to afford such a way of life. Neither the expenses nor the humiliating nature of this situation are known to him. It seems that I have once again gotten carried away.
It is true. On the other hand, we will repair it. Collectively”
He smiled weakly at me, and the tension in the room began to ease somewhat.
Let’s rip that piece of paper to shreds and go back to being on equal footing.
We tore the schedules into teeny-tiny bits, and for the first time in what seemed like weeks, I suddenly had the feeling that we were really working together again.
Perhaps it was exactly what we needed — a reminder that marriage is not about one person striving to be “better” than the other or about getting control over the other. Through the chaos and the insanity, it is about becoming a better unit and working together.
