I gave my husband a kind smile and let him go when he gloatingly declared that I “don’t work” and that he was on a resort holiday without me. But what’s beneath that smile? There was a storm building. I did nothing all day, he thought. He was going to discover just how mistaken he was.
Like a lotto winner, Keith bounded into the house. Smug. Too arrogant.
“You know what?” As if he hadn’t just left me pacing the hallway with our yelling 12-week-old, he murmured, putting his keys in the bowl and settling down on the couch. “Mom is heading to a resort with Dad. I was invited. I’m going the next week.
I blinked. I was surviving on two hours of sleep, a granola bar, and the last of my lukewarm coffee when I held a red-faced, crying Lily.
“What?” My voice was hoarse as I spoke.
Keith gave a shrug. “I need a vacation.”
A pause. For as long as it takes me to hear my blood boiling.
“And me?” I asked softly as I rocked a little on my feet and patted the baby’s back.
The glance that made my eye twitch was the one he gave me. “You don’t work, baby. You’re on leave for maternity. You don’t spend your entire day in an office.
I almost gasped for breath.
“You mean that caring for a newborn all day isn’t work?”
Keith genuinely chuckled. Come on, I mean. It’s not the same. You take a nap when the infant does, don’t you? It resembles an extended trip. In addition, I currently provide all of the income. I’m worthy of this.
Oh. Oh no.
I also laughed. Not because it was amusing. However, I was on the verge of throwing the infant bottle at his head. Rather, I took a slow breath, counted to three, and grinned sweetly, as only a genuinely irate wife can.
“Obviously, my love. You are the only source of income. Go enjoy yourself.
Keith grinned, certain that he had just won the lottery of unwitting husbands.
Oh, dear. You don’t know.
I waved from the porch with our baby in one arm, a diaper bag in the other, and m.u.r.der in my eyes as I kissed him on the cheek the day he departed for his short “well-deserved vacation.”
I took immediate action when his automobile vanished down the street.
I started by emptying the fridge. Since I did nothing all day, he obviously believed that groceries just popped out of thin air.
I then collected all of the household’s filthy laundry and stacked it in front of the washing machine.
I went into our joint account and stopped all of the automatic payments for streaming services, internet, water, and energy. Everything.
I then moved Lily’s complete nursery into storage. Everything went into the car: clothes, diapers, wipes, a changing table, and a crib.
At last, I penned a message and placed it on the kitchen counter:
“I’m also on vacation with Lily. Avoid waiting up.
After putting Lily in her car seat and turning off my phone, I headed to my mom’s house.
Never has freedom felt so nice.
Even though Keith was being really dim about how much work I put into our house, I knew it wouldn’t take him long to realize something was amiss because he had promised to call every evening.
I switched my phone back on two days later.
Almost instantly his desperate texts began to come in.
“Why aren’t you picking up your phone, Sharon? I’m concerned. I will be home tonight and am returning home early.
“Where are you, Sharon? Lily, where are you? Is it true that you are on vacation?
The fridge is completely empty. I had to order takeaway!
“Why is the power bill past due? They’re saying they’ll turn it off!
“Where are my clothes for work? Tomorrow, I have a meeting.
I gave him a whole more day to stew before replying with a straightforward text:
“Calm down, sweetie! I assumed you wouldn’t mind taking care of things while I took a break as well, since I don’t work.
His reaction was prompt and frantic:
“I understand, okay? I was mistaken. Just return, please!
At my phone, I grinned. I got the message.
Lily was on my hip as I entered our front door two days later to assess the damage.
Takeout containers were strewn all over the counter, and dishes were heaped high in the sink. The state of the laundry has gotten worse.
Keith, who appeared to have not slept since returning, stood in the center of it all, unshaven and with crazy eyes.
His voice cracked with relief as he said, “You’re back.”
Observing his unkempt appearance, I said, “Looks like you had a relaxing break.”
Keith combed his hair with his hand. “I really apologize, Sharon. I was a fool.
I urged, repositioning Lily in my arms, “Go on.”
“I had no idea how much you truly do in this area. Every day, all day. He pointed helplessly at the confusion all around us. “Even for a week, I couldn’t keep things going.”
“And?”
Furthermore, I was egotistical and incorrect when I implied that being at home with Lily wasn’t a job. It requires more labor than what I do at work. I ought to have noticed that. His eyes begged as he took a step closer. “I apologize.”
I gave him a slow nod so he could continue to stew.
He went on, “I missed you both so much.” “Without you, the house felt empty.”
I said, “The house IS empty.” “I took everything that was significant.”
His sadness was broken by a tiny smile. “Yes, I did notice that as well.”
I took out a folded piece of paper from within my purse. “This is it.”
Keith frowned as he accepted it. “What is this?”
“It’s a list of chores,” I clarified. “We’re dividing up all the chores from now on.”
His face turned white. “Everything?”
I patted his shoulder and whispered, “That’s right.” “I assume you’ll have no trouble doing half of these while I take some much-needed breaks of my own, since I don’t ‘work’ and all.”
Keith took a deep breath, looked down at the list, and nodded. “That’s reasonable.”
I finally felt a genuine smile appear as I answered, “I’m glad you think so.” “Because you’re on Lily duty and I have a spa day scheduled for Saturday.”
Keith grabbed our daughter. He held her tight and said, “Hey, princess.” “You were missed by Daddy.”
Lily gurgled joyfully, utterly oblivious to the change in power that had just taken place in our home.
Keith pledged, peering over Lily’s head at me, “I’ll do better.” “I promise.”
“You’ll,” I said. “Because I’ll take more than just her diapers the next time you suggest that caring for our daughter isn’t a real job.”
He chuckled uneasily. “Message received.”
“All right,” I murmured as I made my way to the bedroom. Without a tiny human yelling for my attention, I’m going to take a shower now. Do you think you can manage dinner?
Keith bounced Lily gently and said, “I’ll figure it out.”
He whispered to our kid as I was leaving, “You know that your mom is really smart? Don’t tell her I said that, though; I’m already in enough trouble.
I grinned to myself. I’ve learned the lesson.
