I didn’t give my five-year-old daughter’s refusal to cut her hair much thought until she stated that she wanted to leave it long for her “real daddy.” My heart skipped a beat as I heard those words. To whom was she referring? Was there another person in my wife’s life that I was unaware of?
It was a typical parenting incident that you hear about but hope never to experience yourself.
Gum remaining in her mouth, Lily had slept off on the couch on a movie night. It was too late by the time Sara and I located her.
Her hair was a hopeless mess of gum.
We experimented with peanut butter, ice, and even that odd vinegar method we found online.
We realized then that the only thing we could do was to cut her hair.
Sara, holding the comb, knelt next to Lily.
She informed Lily, “We will have to cut a small portion of your hair, sweetheart.” “Just the gum-related part.”
We were both totally unprepared for what followed.
Lily’s face contorted in fear, and she sprang to her feet, gripping her hair tightly as if it were her lifeline.
“No!” she exclaimed. “You’re not good enough! When my true father returns, I want him to recognize me!
My heart fell to my gut as Sara gazed at her with wide eyes.
“Lily, what did you say?” I lowered myself to her level and questioned her cautiously.
She gave me a sorrowful, wide-eyed look as though she had just revealed a major secret.
Silently, she whispered, “I… I want my real daddy to know it’s me.”
Sara and I looked at each other in shock.
I then inhaled deeply while attempting to regain my composure.
“I am your father, dear,” I responded, trying to sound as soft as possible. “Why do you believe I’m not?”
“Grandma said so,” she muttered as her small lip trembled.
What? Carol said that to her, but why? The man Lily was referring to was who?
“Honey, what did Grandma say exactly?” Sara inquired softly.
Lily gripped her hair even more tightly as she stated, “She said I have to keep my hair long so my real daddy will know it’s me when he comes back.” “He’ll be upset if he doesn’t recognize me,” she remarked.
My interruption was, “Sweetheart.” “What does’real daddy’ mean to you?”
Lily looked down at her small hands and sniffed. Grandma informed me that you are not my biological father. According to her, my true father left, but he will return eventually. And he won’t recognize me if I look different.
Sara softly took Lily’s hands and murmured, “Listen to me, Lily.” “There was nothing wrong with you. You’re not having any problems. However, I need you to clarify Grandma’s words for me. Could you please do it for me?
After hesitating, Lily nodded. It’s a secret, she said. that Daddy would be upset if I told you or him. However, I didn’t want to anger him. I don’t want to offend anyone.
The lump in my throat was swallowed as my chest constricted.
I whispered, “Lily, you are so loved.” By Mommy, by me, by all your acquaintances. Don’t worry, nobody is upset with you. Grandma ought not to have said it to you.
As Sara gave Lily a firm hug, tears welled up in her eyes. “Lily, you are our daughter. This is your father, your biological father. He has always been.
Lily wiped her eyes on her sleeve and nodded slowly. However, the harm was already done. We trusted Carol, so how could she say something so perplexing to our child?
Sara and I sat in the living room that evening after Lily had gone to sleep.
“How on earth was she thinking?” Anger trembling in her voice, Sara murmured.
I answered, attempting to control my own annoyance, “I don’t know.” But she went too far. Sara, we have to speak with her. Tomorrow.
Sara called her mother the following morning and invited her to visit. Sara wasn’t in the mood for small talk, but Carol showed up with her typical confidence.
Sara became enraged the moment Carol entered the house.
“Mom, what the devil is wrong with you?” She lost her temper. For what reason would you inform Lily that Edward is not her biological father? Are you aware of what you’ve done?
Carol blinked, obviously surprised by the animosity.
She held up a hand and said, “Now, hold on.” “You’re exaggerating how bad this is. It was only a little tale. There is nothing to worry about.
“A tale?” I spoke up. Because of this “story,” she has been afraid to cut her hair for months.
Carol gave us a theatrical look by rolling her eyes.
“Oh, hurry up. She admitted, “All I wanted was for her to keep her hair long.” She’s a young girl, for crying out loud! Sara, she shouldn’t take one of those terrible shortcuts that you do.
You told her a lie, then? To keep her hair long, you led her to believe that her father wasn’t her father. Mom, are you hearing yourself now?
When she gets older, she won’t even recall it. However, she would recall having a boyish haircut and looking ridiculous in pictures.
“Caroline, this isn’t about hair,” I yelled. “You weakened our household. You gave Lily the impression that I wasn’t her biological father. Please, this isn’t normal.
Carol pursed her lips before saying something that made us lose what little poise we still had. “Well, who’s to say you are Sara’s biological father given her turbulent past?”
What on earth? I pondered. What more will she say to defend her error?
Sara lost her temper at that point.
She gestured to the door and said, “Get out.” “Leave my house.” You are no longer welcome here.
Carol stammered as she attempted to retract her statement, saying that she “didn’t mean it that way,” but I wouldn’t have it.
I moved forward, swung the door open, and made a strong motion. “All right, Carol. Go.
As she left, she muttered something under her breath and stared at us, but I didn’t mind.
I slammed the door behind Carol and then Sara and I exchanged glances.
Then she hid her face in her hands and fell into the couch.
I put my arm around her shoulders and sat next to her.
I said, “We’ll get through this,” even though my chest was still blazing with rage.
I could see the pain on Sara’s face even though she nodded. “I find it unbelievable that my own mother would act in such a manner.”
We sat with Lily for the remainder of the evening, carefully explaining everything.
I gazed directly into her eyes while holding her small hands in mine. “I am your father, Lily. I have been and will continue to be. You understand that nothing Grandma said is true?
Lily gave a nod. “You’re my biological father, then?”
“Yes, my love,” I said with a smile. “Always.”
Sara said, “Grandma was wrong to tell you that.” anything’s not your fault, and she shouldn’t have said anything. Lily, you have our undying affection. Remember that always.
Sara pulled out the scissors to cut the gum out of Lily’s hair, and although she still appeared uncomfortable, Lily appeared to relax a bit.
The gum was still there, indeed.
“Do I have to?” Lily gripped the knotted strand and asked.
Sara clarified, “It’s only a little bit, honey.” And you won’t even notice because it will grow back so quickly. Additionally, you’ll feel so much better as the gum won’t stick to anything.
Lily paused, then nodded. “All right, but just a bit.”
I noticed a tiny smile appear on Lily’s face as Sara cut out the gum-covered strands.
“Can I make it pink when it grows back?”
I ruffled her hair and whispered, “If that’s what you want.”
Things gradually got back to normal over the course of the following few days. Lily asked Sara to braid her hair once more, and she appeared happier and more at ease. It had been months since she had done it.
We have not gotten in touch with Carol.
Sara and I both agreed that until she can accept responsibility for her actions, she has no place in Lily’s life.
It wasn’t an easy choice, to be honest, but keeping Lily safe comes first. We will stop at nothing to ensure our little girl is happy.
