I adore my birthday. I get to dress up, eat an excessive quantity of cake, and enjoy the fact that I am legally obligated to be kind to others on this one day of the year. Or at least it ought to have been that way. But it became a conflict of wills and a test of my patience because of my sister-in-law Lucinda and her devil-spawn kids.
It began with a straightforward barbecue in the backyard. My niece and nephew were whispering by the pool as I was enjoying an ice-cold drink, music, and a grill. They weren’t exactly criminal masterminds, as seen by the way they side-eyed and giggled at my neighbor Sandra. Their first target was Sandra, a charming woman in her fifties who could outswim Michael Phelps if needed. They were about to lunge at her when she made a last-minute ninja-like dodge, leaving them to fumble in midair. They came very close to a very wet catastrophe when they slid to a stop, which was fortunate for them (and my patio furniture). Always the good sport, Sandra simply laughed and returned to her drink. Lucinda, though? She looked up from her phone just a little.
She sang, “Kids will be kids!” and then scrolled off.
Twenty minutes later, I heard them whispering once more, their tiny heads huddled together like malevolent masterminds scheming to take over the world. This time, though, one of them had a phone in his hand and the camera started rolling. I recognized then that I was next.
I acted as though I was unaware. As they prepared for their ambush, they drew closer. And I moved aside as they bounded forward, arms out.
A SPLASH!
Like drowned rats, two children reappeared, gasping and spluttering. After a brief period of silence, the audience erupted in laughing. Sandra even gave her margarita a snort. Lucinda, though? Oh no. She didn’t care about the children.
She clutched her chest as she gasped. “THEIR IPHONES!”
The children, who were now equally appalled, fumbled in their pockets and took out what had been cutting-edge smartphones but were now just pricey paperweights.
With fury in her eyes, Lucinda turned to face me. “You simply stood by and allowed this to occur!”
I sipped my drink and shrugged. “Perhaps you ought to have kept an eye on your children.”
Even though her cheeks became a striking shade of crimson, I wasn’t going to let her spoil my day. I gave the kids towels, helped them dry off, and attempted to move on rather than argue. I assumed that would be the last of it.
How foolish I was, oh.
I received a text message when I got up the following morning. Two new iPhones are linked, along with the remark, “You should’ve let them push you in.” You wouldn’t melt, really. Therefore, YOU owe us these.
Looking at my screen, I blinked. This had to be a joke. However, the subsequent line verified the opposite:
Payment is anticipated by tonight. Xoxo
Xoxo? Like this was a friendly invoice of some sort? I laughed and replied with a straightforward “Lol.” No.
Never one to take “no” for an answer, Lucinda chose to push things further. She arrived at my house the following afternoon with her arms crossed and her voice raised to a level typically heard on reality TV and in fights about misplaced luggage.
Standing on my porch like some insane lawyer from a courtroom drama, she yelled, “You are financially and morally responsible for their loss!”
I gave my temples a rub. They attempted to shove me into the pool, Lucinda. They ought to compensate me for emotional harm, don’t they?
“Avoid being absurd. They are only children.
By now, the neighbors were beginning to pay attention. Some went outdoors and pretended to fetch mail that most likely didn’t exist or water plants. Then, suddenly, Sandra walked up with a knowing look on her face while clutching her phone.
Sandra hit play before Lucinda could even recognize her.
There was unmistakable proof of my niece and nephew giggling, whispering, and launching their doomed attack on the TV. Their spectacular fall, expertly framed, marked the end of the video. Sandra’s laugh in the background, of course.
In record speed, Lucinda’s face turned white instead of crimson.
Sandra said, “Wow,” with a tone of feigned amazement in her voice. “They almost seem to have done it to themselves.”
Sensing drama, the neighbors leaned closer.
“I believe that ‘consequences of one’s own actions’ is the legal term for this,” I said helpfully.
Without saying another word, Lucinda opened her mouth, shut it, turned on her heel, and stomped away. I observed her dragging her kids, who were without phones, back to their car while complaining the entire while.
Sandra smiled and turned to face me. “Happy birthday.”
And that’s how I received the most amazing birthday present ever—free entertainment, a test of my patience under pressure, and the realization that sometimes karma works quickly.
Have you ever had to deal with such an absurd demand? Remember to like and follow for more, and share your tale in the comments section!
